Laments of a Father

Stories about the love and loss of our son, Eli.

Our Son’s Name

Our Son’s Name

We had been confronted with the unimaginable. Our first child would continue growing in the womb, but he was diagnosed with a condition that guaranteed his death. Terror was added to agony as we were presented with the option to terminate the pregnancy. But the...

“He was…is…”

“He was…is…”

Author’s Note November 7th, 2018. I have just finished writing this post when my wife, Jillian, calls me to tell me her water broke - ten weeks earlier than expected. Labor has started, initiating the birth and death process of our son, Eli.   I share this...

Carrying My Son

Carrying My Son

The day had finally come. Three months of anticipation did not make our son’s funeral any less surreal or suffocating. My wife and I had somehow survived the week after returning from the hospital, our lives now reduced to mere existence. Sleepless nights. Colorless...

Reflections in Suffering

Sharing honestly from the storm.

Eli’s Second Birthday

Eli’s Second Birthday

Today, our son would have turned two years old. Our souls ache as we wonder what it would be like if he were still here. At the same time, we remember the joy he brought us with his brief life. So every year on his birthday, we do something that allows us to both...

Family of Four

Family of Four

One of the things I love about my wife is her commitment and ability to remember our children in unique ways. These mountains are just one example. They represent our frail-yet-fierce family of four: We lost Eli in November 2018 because of a terminal condition. Rowe...

If Only

If Only

“My son, my son…If only I had died instead of you.” (2 Samuel 18:33) David’s agony captures the hearts of many dads today. It’s not only the grief of losing a child, it’s the pain of not being able to take their place. Sacrificial love is at the heart of fatherhood....

Resources for Endurance

Resources to help you in hardship.

The Practice of Lament

The Practice of Lament

“It was awkward,” my friend admitted. He was reflecting on his first attempt to lament with others in prayer. His church was praying about a difficult situation, so he decided to use a lament psalm as a framework. When it was his turn to pray, honest questions and...

The Value of Lament

The Value of Lament

Tears dampened my Bible as our team looked at Psalm 43 during one of our meetings. Our study slowed to a silence as everyone gave me a chance to gather my words. The ache I was feeling held a mixture of grief and gratitude. Here’s why. Psalms 42-43 are a two-part song...

The Necessity of Lament

The Necessity of Lament

Our refrigerator is currently decorated with artwork by our six-year-old niece, Jera. She made cards for Eli’s birthday this year, profound expressions of grief and love for the cousin she never got to meet. Listen to the beautiful honesty in her words: “I am sorry...